I'm a Traditional Kind of Girl

I am a traditional kind of girl. I prefer the same thing over something new. When it comes to trying something new, I cannot do it with ease. It takes convincing and time. I like my favorite restaurants, my favorite foods, my favorite candies, and my favorite brands. 


When I cut my hair, I stick with two styles: long with side-swept bangs and long layers, or a long bob with side-swept bangs.


I like to stick with family recipes instead of buying cookbooks or looking up recipes on the Internet. I prepare my favorite meals and rarely try anything else. It is almost a mental issue. My mind is already opposed to trying new things. New recipes, new meals, new foods, etc. 


So this new lifestyle change is killing me. Growing up in South Carolina, I went to the same doctor for most of my life. When we moved to North Carolina, I was skeptical about a new doctor, but I did not have a choice. I could not drive 10 hours there and back just to see "my" doctor. Now living in Maryland, finding a doctor that will take care of me is harder than ever. Being told that you have an illness that will "drastically change your life" is like a death sentence to me. For those who know me, they know I am not exactly the most healthy of eaters. I graze here and there. I would rather eat junk food over meals and I have a HUGE sweet tooth problem. 


I also have a problem with people not telling me the truth, or the whole truth. My doctors are neglecting to tell me my diagnosis. Which to me, is super frustrating. At the beginning of every test, the technicians would ask how long I have been diagnosed with Chron's or Celiac or Ulcerative Colitis. And I would stare blankly at them in utter confusion because I had not been diagnosed with any. I had only taken medication that treated that disease. So which is it? 


Based off the medication I am currently taking now, I am making an educated guess assuming that I have Chron's disease. Chron's is an autoimmune disorder meaning your body is attacking itself in the location of the digestive system. There is no way to cure Chron's disease, but merely learn how to manage the symptoms and flare ups. What causes it? Well the cause is unknown (yippee). Scientists lean towards genetics and environmental factors for the causes. It targets mainly Caucasians between the age of 15 to 30 years old. 


What next? The next step for me is to learn how to live with this disease (if I am diagnosed with it completely after my upper GI scope). Most people adjust their diets, take medication daily, and try to avoid stress. Ha. That is a joke. My life is full of stress. Stress from work, stress from school, stress from the wedding, stress about moving, the list goes on and on. And of course, there are always complications with the disease that could lead to more surgery. JOY!


How am I supposed to be positive about this? So many thoughts are racing through my mind! Am I going to pass this to my children? Do I need genetic counseling to have this gene removed so that my future children are not affected? (I already have to have genetic counseling for my IgA deficiency). How am I supposed to remove stress for my life? That means just sitting around and doing nothing forever? What about nursing school? Future nursing career? Moving from state to state with the military? I mean, it is almost impossible to remove all stress from my life. I am trying to be positive in that I do not need to change my ENTIRE diet compared to Celiacs where you cannot have anything with gluten. As long as I take my medication, I will be fine. 


This is basically my life in a nutshell right now. I feel like an old person because of how fatigued I am. I am putting all my energy into healing and the wedding. 


Tomorrow I have my upper GI scope which will determine if I have Chron's or not. Wish me luck! Because I am awfully tired of being stuck with needles!


Sayoonara 

97 Days

Ninety-seven days seems like an eternity to me, but 97 days until I marry my best friend! I cannot believe it has been four years and eleven months since I first started dating Adam. I still cannot believe we are getting married! It seems like a lifetime away! But I am so close! I cannot wait! Soon we will be moving to Charleston, South Carolina. We will be closer to our family and friends, and we will both begin new adventures. Adam starts school in August and I hopefully will as well!

Only 97 days until I am Mrs. Adam Albrecht

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,
I am so sorry. I am sorry I did not fully understand the pain you were in the day you delivered my youngest brother. I now understand how much pain you were in that night (not 100%). But I understand the pain of your gallbladder attack. I am so sorry.

And now I am scared. Scared if I have gallbladder problems, and scared if I have to have surgery. I love you and I trust you.

Living on the Edge

There has been one thing that I have learned over the past two months of my on going illness with my digestive system: trust. Trust that God is watching over me. Trust that I am going to be ok. And trust that I am going to make it out in this life.

It has been a constant struggle day to day. A struggle to live my life to the fullest and be happy every minute through it. And now my struggle is bearing down on those closest to me.

It's hard to face tomorrow, when you do not know what tomorrow brings. [Trust] Gets me through the day. [Trust] Gets me through the fear. [Trust] Gets me through the unknown. [Trust] Gets me through the pain.

It's hard to deal with this illness because during this journey, I have lost friends. People who did not want to be around me anymore because I was "always sick". Or that I was not fun to hang out with anymore because of being sick. Or that I complained too much about being sick. When it was friends that I needed the most to get me through this rough patch in my life. I am not bitter, or angry, or even spiteful towards those who walked out. I am glad that I found out who my true friends were, even though it was the hard way.

A little up to date on what is going on in my life. I am waiting for the doctors to figure out what is wrong. I am getting closer to answers, but it is somewhat scary. The answers I am getting closer to are not looking so great. Most of the treatments require surgery. To be honest, I am scared. It's hard to just [Trust] when so many things are unknown. When you do not know what your future holds for you.

So I leave you (and myself) with this:
"God you are my comfort when I am very sad... You are my comfort when I am afraid."
-Jeremiah 8:18

[Trust] That He will comfort you and carry you through your lowest points of your life.

Life

"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

You Say... God Says...

While in the hospital Wednesday, my fiance sent me this picture he found on the internet to calm my nerves and put me at ease. I was reminded that I am not alone in this journey, He is always with me. And He will get me through this trying and difficult time. Below are the verses typed out, a reminder of God's true love and testament that He knows what we are going through at all times. He cares about the small sparrow, and the one sheep that strays.

You say: "It's impossible."
God says: "All things are possible."
Luke 18: 27 "Jesus answered, 'The things impossible for people are possible for God.'"

You say: "I'm too tired."
God says: "I will give you rest."
Matthew 11: 28-30 "Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Accept my teachings and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit, and you will find rest for your lives. The burden that I ask you to accept is easy; the load I give you to carry is light."

You say: "Nobody really loves me."
God says: "I love you."
John 3:16 "God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son so that whoever believes in him may not be list, but have eternal life."

You say: "I can't go on."
God says: "My grace is sufficient."
II Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, 'My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you.' So I am very happy to brag about my weaknesses. Then Christ's power can live in me."
Psalm 91:15 "They say that the Lord is good. He is my Rock, and there is no wrong in him."

You say: "I can't figure things out."
God says: "I will direct your steps."
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust the Lord with all your heart, and don't depend on your own understanding. Remember the Lord in all you do, and he will give you success."

You say: "I can't do it."
God says: "You can do all things."
Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ, because he gives me strength."

You say: "I'm not able."
God says: "I am able."
II Corinthians 9:8 "And God can give you more blessings than you need. Then you will always have plenty of everything-- enough to give to every good work."

You say: "It's not worth it."
God says: "It will be worth it."
Romans 8:28 "We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love im. They are the people he called, because that was his plan."

You say: "I can't forgive myself."
God says: "I forgive you."
I John 1:9 "But if we confess our sins, he will forgive our sins, because we can trust God to do what is right. He will cleanse us from all the wrongs we have done."
Romans 8:1 "So now, those who are in Christ Jesus are not judged guilty."

You say: "I'm afraid."
God says: "I have not given you a spirit of fear."
II Timothy 1:7 "God did not give us a spirit that makes us afraid but a spirit of power and love and self-control."

You say: "I am always worried and frustrated."
God says: "Cast all your cares on me."
I Peter 5:7 "Give all your worries to him, because he cares about you."

You say: "I'm not smart enough."
God says: "I give you wisdom."
I Corinthians 1:30 "Because of God you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God. In Christ we are put right with God, and have been made holy, and have been set free from sin."

You say: "I feel all alone."
God says: "I will never leave you nor forsake you."
Hebrews 13:5 "Keep your lives free from the love of money, and be satisfied with what you have. God has said, 'I will never leave you; I will never abandon you.'"

You say: "I can't manage."
God says: "I will supply all your needs."
Philippians 4:19 "My God will use his wonderful riches in Christ Jesus to give you everything you need."

This pretty much says it all. God wrote this book over 2,000 years ago knowing full well what we would be thinking today. He wrote this to comfort us and encourage us to press onward. How amazing is it to be loved by someone who thought about MY individual future before I was even born, thousands of years ago?!! God is so good.

What's New

I have not posted since October and I feel lost. I have missed blogging, but due to certain events in my life I was unable to full commit to the life of a blogger. So much has happened since my last post. I learn new things daily. My Stella&Dot business had come through during my days of being tight on cash. Now it is more of a hobby than job. I love all my jewelry and I love being able to share it with other people. Looking into the future, I am hoping it will be a successful career down in Charleston when we move after graduation.

Speaking of graduation, we are only a few months out from the big day. I cannot believe that Adam's four years here are almost over. It has been wonderful, but my, won't I be glad when we can leave. Adam's good friend David has placed me in charge of planning their graduation party. I am glad they started me early! Because I have a lot on my hands right now.

And speaking of planning, wedding planning has been somewhat at a standstill. I am trying to get Adam to be more involved with the planning so I know what he wants and does not want. We do not have much more to go and only six months less, well less than that!

School started this past Wednesday and I am very excited for this semester. I applied to MUSC and I hear back from them in a few weeks. Crossing my fingers to an acceptance letter!

I'm off to enjoy a day of planning with my fiancé! :)